Who am I

I started this blog with one intention, to discover "who I am in Christ and our place in His kingdom."

I thought myself to be a decent mom, a wonderful wife, and fantastic minister for Christ.

But then my earthquake came.

My marriage was shattered by an affair. I thought I was a fantastic wife. Why would this happen to me? Wasn't that who I was? A good wife?

I had to step down from ministry and resign my membership. I have been a minister for 11 years! Wasn't that who I was? Wasn't I someone who helped people to show Jesus' love?

I was handcuffed by the police after they were notified by a stranger that I was abusing my children and CPS opened an investigation against me. But I thought I was a good mom? Wasn't that me? If that was who I was, why would this happen?

The truth is, I have been looking for who I am in all the wrong places. I look at what I do, what I create, my actions, my attitudes, how I affect those around me and add those together and present a neat little package called "me." But that is NOT me! I am not a mom, or a wife, or a minister. These are things I DO but not who I AM!

God doesn't love me for my accomplishments. He doesn't love me for these attributes that identify my individuality. He doesn't love my motherhood, daughterhood, sisterhood, ministry, or wifehood. He loves me!!!

SO the question still remains, who am I? Before my eyes were blinded because my life was shrouded in all these personas. My identity was lost in my doing, so I was no longer a being.

But now that all has broken off and crumbled to the ground, now I can watch as the dust settles, and see the revelation of this person called "me." I will finally come to an understanding of who I was made, and called to be and why He loves me.

This past nine months has been a terrifying nightmare of my worst fears come true, but in the end what will be birthed is a greater gift than I could have ever envisioned before. I am called to greatness and I have finally found the path to get there.

It is by His grace alone that I have survived.

Thank you Jesus!

A Letter

O adulterous one,

You have crushed me with your infidelity. You have destroyed all we built together. Never have I abandoned or forsaken you. Never have I turned away. Never have I been unavailable when you needed me. Yet you take me for granted. My heart is with you but you you lie in the arms of your sin. My love and kisses are pure, yet you give only kisses of lust. I require nothing from you but your loyalty. I desire to pour out love and blessings on your life, but you continue to reject me. How long must I wait until you come home? How many times must I call your name before you will hear? I long to show you my heart, to share with you my deepest desires, but your ears are closed off form me. Your heart is stone cold. When have I ceased to remain faithful? When have I ceased to serve you? When have I not sacrificed all for you? My heart aches for you to return. Out of all other sI have chosen you alone to be mine, You made a sacred ow to always be faithful to me. You have broken this vow. You have abandoned your promise. Your selfish ways has broken us apart, driven a wedge into our love. What we could have is perfect oneness. We could dance together in sweet harmony. You could be held in my arms of love always. Our every desire can be fulfilled in one another. However, you must choose to be mine. You must turn away from your adulterous ways and dedicate yourself only to me. Turn over your heart to me. Give me all you have without reserve. Open yourself to me and hold nothing back. Only then will our relationship return to purity and true love. I long for you alone. Will you be mine?

Sincerely,
God

Good Clean Free Fair Fun

Yesterday I went to the New York state fair with my toddler, preschooler, and my niece who is also a preschooler. We, the parents, tried to find inexpensive things to do with the kids that they found fun and interesting. Many things are meant for much older children, so it’s not always easy. The following is my unofficial free fun guide for tiny tots.


WCNY booth near Chevy Court:

The WCNY booth had coloring sheets, a puppet craft and a pinwheel craft for kids to do, and they were set up to accommodate kids of all ages. They were also giving up free children’s books (Clifford, Arthur, and Curious George) and to anyone that came, as long as they lasted. Since we were there on the first day, there was plenty to choose from. They also gave away frisbees during the weather broadcast.

The play area in the State Park at the Fair:

We chose to eat our lunch here and the kids enjoyed playing with the small playground equipment sample and the giant rock. It was also shady and not overcrowded.

The performing animal shows:

We only went to see one show, the Elephant Encounter, but any of them would have been fine. The shows were short and sweet so they were easy for the kids to sit through and most kids love animals anyway. There was a dog show, monkey show, elephant show, sea lion show, and tiger show located at either Adventure Zone or the Youth Activities Center. It was nice to be able to sit and take a break. I recommend having a blanket or chairs to sit on though, sitting on the pavement wasn’t the most comfortable thing and the bleachers are too crowded.

Historic Train Exhibit:

The kids loved exploring the train and our preschooler talked about it nearly all day after that. They also had a bag with goodies in it including a coloring book to take home.

The 4-H building:

This building was an uncovered gem to our family, I don’t remember ever going in there before, and definitely not since I had children. They had trained dogs to meet and pet, baby chicks to hold, FREE face painting, and crafts. We got there at the end of the day so a lot of stuff was packed up, but from what I could see there was a place to make book marks and a place to make beaded bracelets, and probably more. The face painting was not as elaborate as what you pay for on the midway, but really young kids don’t care, they just want their face painted. Plus while the kids are busy with face painting and crafts, its fun to look at the nearby exhibits and prize winning entries by county 4-H clubs.

The animal barns:

We go in the animal barns every year. The kids always love to see the animals so we make sure never to miss it. One thing I did notice, is it is very hard to see at stroller height. Most cages are too high and fences are too tall for a stroller rider to see well. Although our toddler could see the animal and liked when they peeked their heads over the fence, he would have had more fun in a carrier. Plus you’re not running your stroller through all that animal “waste.” Another bonus is we were watching a girl work at the milking station and she actually let the kids help her as she explained how the equipment worked.

Department of Environmental Conservation building:

The building itself is ok, the kids do like to see the fish inside, but the best part about this building is making a button. They also have big rolls of stickers to be able to let the kids choose a sticker, and coloring books available. This is something else we have never missed, maybe I should start a button collection!

The Lego Experience:

I believe this is the first time this exhibit has ever been at the fair (it’s the first time I have ever seen it), but it was awesome and I hope they come back next year. They set up shop on the long road parallel to State Fair Blvd to the right of the main gate. There were tons of lego tables, taller ones with small legos and short ones with duplo legos. They had a family challenge area where families could work together to build their version of the challenge that they held every 15 minutes. While we were there they made tall buildings and fair food. They also had awesome models set up where you had to search for different things on the model, such as a Lego ostrich or Lego Star Wars clone fighters. We could have stayed there all day.

The Military Area:

Right near the legos is the area where the military has jeeps, trucks, and planes set up to explore, and the kids loved looking around inside and pretending to drive.

Safety Town in the Time Warner building:

The preschool kids loved watching the movie and the puppet show, but it was a little boring for our toddler. He preferred being pushed through the Hazard House. Either way it’s a fun place to go, and theres always coloring books to grab in the Hazard House.

Dairy Building:

Moo’s Place is always fun to check out with the kids, with things to spin and turn and mirrors to look in and lots to learn. They also have fun things on the stage in the center, and we got there in time for a reading of Where the Wild Things are which kept the kids completely captivated while parents waited in line for the rainbow milk bar.

The train exhibit in the Art and Home Center:

Our kids love to just sit and watch the model trains go around and around while we wandered around and checked out the models around the room. You can also alternate sneaking out to check out the art upstairs or the exhibits on the main floor while the kids are busy.

Moo Country in the cattle barn:

We actually missed this area this year. I remembered it was in there, but I didn’t see it, and we also had to say our goodbyes to my niece, which was hard, so we didn’t want to hang out in that building too long afterword. However, it is fun to go and check out and they have more lovely coloring books to take home.

Grange Building:

We missed this too, I looked for it, but I get lost too easily at the fair, and we ended up never going in. However, we went in here last year. It is not a “fun” place to go, but if you have tired kids and want a relaxing place to eat or wind down, this place is great. It’s rarely ever crowded and they always have family friendly shows. Last year we stopped in here to feed the toddler (who was a baby then) his baby food dinner and our preschooler danced to the music and wandered around looking at the different exhibits.

Parade:

We were in the 4-H building and missed the daily parade, but our kids love parades and would have enjoyed watching it.



Now with all that fun stuff to do, you have to know where to eat. Here is my list of free or almost free food at the fair.


Free samples:

If you go to the Dairy building and the Horticulture building you can almost always find free samples. They have cheese, pepperoni, beef, maple products, honey products, the list goes on and on. If you happen to be on the midway, many places have signs that boasts free samples of a new food they are trying. This year the big free sample was deep fried pickles, yikes! However if you want a snack and don’t want to pay, samples are the way to go.

Free water:

You can always grab a drink at the drinking fountain, but if you want FILTERED water, head over to the Department of Environmental Conservation building where they have big cups and a pitcher of ice cold crystal clear water. It’s a nice change from paying an arm and a leg for a bottled water or drinking city water.

Almost-free milk:

The Rainbow Milk bar STILL sells milk for only 25 cents. They are full 8 oz cups of either white or chocolate milk. Even if the line is long, it’s always worth the wait.

Almost free potatoes:

In the horticulture building, potatoes are still only one dollar. One potato is very filling to an adult so you might be able to split a potato amongst your kids 2 or 3 ways. We bought on potato for each person, and it was way too much. If the 3 kids had split one potato, it would have been plenty, and would have brought the cost down to only around 33 cents for their snack.

Almost free food from home:

If you find yourself still getting hungry you have another almost free option, that is to bring your own food from home. I packed some crackers and water in our diaper bag to ward off hunger, but you can bring almost anything in with you. You could drag in a cooler if you feel like carting it around all day, but even a lunch box with a few ice packs would hold quite a bit.

Saving money on the no-so-free fair food:

If you love fair food, which many of us do, you can still save money by buying meals in family size. It’s cheaper to get a whole chicken or pizza for your family than it is you try and buy each person their own meal. Get family sized popcorn, cotton candy, or deep fried goodies for the best bargain. 10 bucks may seem like a lot, but when you price out a meal and snacks for each person, it ends up being much more expensive. Keeping your cup for refills is a great idea, but our cup was wax paper and ended up being a mess at the end of the day. Go with plastic refill containers if you must have a drink at the fair, or just bring your own in with you. As always, shop around; don’t assume that chicken joint is the ONLY chicken joint. If you plan to look around for food BEFORE you are starving, you can patiently find the best deals. Also check the Fair Guide for useful coupons to save money.



To finish out my unofficial guide, I’d like to note things NOT to do at the fair. The following is a list of tantrum provoking things that should be avoided at all costs:


Do not go near the sinks in the bathrooms.

There are people there charging money for soap and paper towels and have a huge bowl of candy that LOOKS free to a small child. They don’t tell you until AFTER you use their soap and they hand you a paper towel that you have to pay. I don’t remember ever seeing those people in there before. Just someone sitting in a chair available to clean up or give you toilet paper. This year they were very pushy and in your face. Save your sanity and bring hand sanitizer or wipes with you and just march straight out the door after a potty break.

Do not spend lots of time in the other buildings or at adult focused shows.

If you love to see everything else at the fair, either have snacks or toys on hand to keep the kids busy, or take turns with one adult in that building’s kids area, and the other exploring the building. The museum and historical buildings are not at all recommended as there is nothing for kids to touch and they often find them incredibly boring. Either go in to make a quick pass or alternate.

Stay away from the Center of Progress Building.

The people there are very in your face and try to distract you so keeping an eye on your kids is tough, especially since it’s always packed. Plus, the kids want you to buy them everything in the entire building, so this is another one to avoid altogether or alternate with another adult.

Avoid the rides on the midway.

Unless you have gotten a truly great deal at Wegman’s or someplace else for ride tickets, just avoid the rides altogether. As soon as the kids see them they are dying to ride them and all the rides are a total rip off at a dollar a ticket for a ride that lasts maybe 2 minutes. You can get you child’s hand stamped for 25 dollars to ride unlimited rides, but there are really only 5 rides that are for preschool age so they would have to ride each one twice to make it worth the money. Even the “bouncey area” thats 5 dollars for the whole day isn’t worth it because what preschooler is REALLY going to be in there all day. At most they might go in for 30 minutes for so before they are too tired or bored of it. It’s better to save the midway rides for when your child is older so there are more rides to enjoy to make your purchase worthwhile.

Do not forget the essentials.

Be sure to get your Lost Kid Tags at the entrance. This year I managed to forget a stroller, a blanket, sunscreen, hats, a baby carrier and an extra bag for all the stuff we accumulated throughout the day. I did remember changes of clothes, a few snacks, drinks, wipes and raincoats (thankfully we never needed those). We made it through the day, but life would have been much easier if I had remembered to bring everything.



I hope you have enjoyed my unofficial free fun guide for tiny tots at the NY state fair. Even if you haven’t enjoyed it, it was fun for me to write. Pass it on to anyone you think it would be helpful for, and be sure to comment with any ideas YOU have for me to take note of for next year. Have fun and be safe!

To Save A Life

"Something happened to David Camp and I don't know what. Can you find out? A lot of people are praying for brain function. :( "

This message from my husband greeted me at 10:42 am this past Thursday. I rushed to Facebook for details and read, to my horror, our dear friend David was in a serious car accident Wednesday afternoon and was rushed to St. Elizabeth's Medical Center in Utica, NY, completely brain dead and was put on life support.

Shortly after my husband (we weren't married at the time) accepted Christ, we began attending a local church in our college's town of Morrisville, NY - Resurrection Life Fellowship. There we met David Camp, the pastor's son and drummer on their worship team. We were already close to Pastor John's daughter and son-in-law and were quickly befriended by the whole family. We were invited to their home many times and even cooked breakfast there once. The family was wonderful to us and was instrumental in our spiritual growth throughout our college years.

Hubby was invited to play electric guitar on their worship team and he and David, 15 at the time, became fast friends. David loved the sound of electric guitar and aspired to learn how to play. God spoke to us one day and we turned over a guitar and petal to him, much to his surprise and joy. He did learn how to play and in the years to come lead worship for the college bible study and played at one of his sister's wedding.

After graduation, we got married, moved back to my hometown, and became active ministers in my home church. We stayed in touch over the years, but we couldn't find the time in our busy lives to go visit that wonderful family that had such an impact on our lives throughout college. Six years flew by quickly and suddenly we found ourselves with a youth group of high school juniors, seniors, and college students. We wanted them to experience the powerful move of God at a conference this past April put on by BASIC College Ministries, the same ministry that had touched our lives so many years ago drawing us to a close relationship with God and plugging us in to the ministry at Resurrection Life Fellowship. We wanted to reconnect with our friends who were leaders at the Morrisville BASIC group and introduce our college students and high school seniors to the wonderful people who helped to transform our lives. We agreed to come to their BASIC meeting the week before the conference to get everyone acquainted and then meet up for dinner during the conference.

David, by now, was a 21 year old college student at Morrisville and a part of their BASIC group. He led worship at the meeting and we had a great time fellowshipping and catching up with everyone. Our youth loved getting to know these wonderful people of God. We enjoyed having dinner together and after the conference we said our good-byes and promised to come visit again soon. Little did we know what was to come in the near future.

After seeing what had happened, I called our associate pastor's wife and asked her to put in a prayer request for David on our church prayer chain. She began to pray over the phone and the tears fell from my eyes as I thought about life without David. She paused at the end of her prayer and time stopped. The voice of God spoke clearly to me and said, "Everything is done for the glory of My name." I felt my faith rise up in me and I stopped crying. I prayed after her with faith and expectancy for the glory of my God to be shown everywhere because of the work he was to do in David's life.

That day at noon he was to have a final crucial test to determine whether he would continue with life support. People prayed for a miracle to happen and that there would be more time. Slowly his blood pressure began to rise and he would occasionally breathe on his own. He even showed signs of a grab reflex when his hand was being held. The doctors agreed to give the family authority to make choices for him. The prayers for more time had been granted! A young man who wasn't expected to even make it through Wednesday night was making progress! People all over the world began to pray for him and the membership of a group on facebook agreeing to pray for him climbed into the thousands! People fasted and held all night vigils. The ICU waiting room was packed with people praying for him. Our church softball team, believers and unbelievers alike, agree din prayer for David at practice that night.

At 3:30, the family was awoken with an urgency to pray. I awoke too and checked up on his condition on facebook, and saw the note that others were awake. I sat on my couch and asked God to show me the work that he was doing in David. I got a vision of a baby being formed in the mother's womb, cell by cell. God was creating a new brain for David, slowly but surely. He would not suddenly be instantly healed, his body wouldn't be able to handle it. Instead, like a baby in the womb, he would be rebuilt piece by peace and slowly come back to life.

Overnight he still showed no signs of brain activity and at 9 am Friday morning he was declared officially brain dead, in kidney failure and liver failure, and they gave the family 24 hours to say their good-bye's before taking him off life support. More than ever people all over buckled down to pray for him. The family called another minister to come and in and pray. No one was giving up hope that David would make a complete and total recovery.

Saturday morning, just 30 minutes before taking him off life support, David had a bowel movement on his own. They had to reduce his blood pressure medication because mis body was regulating his pressure so well on its own. The hospital revoked the time limit on the life support and agreed to let him stay on it until he had completely recovered. Throughout the day he continues to show signs of progress. Swelling in his face went down, he would squeeze a hand when it was put in his, his eyes would move behind his eyelids and he continued to take breaths on his own. His facebook group neared 6000 members and people all over were giving testimony of what God was doing in their lives because of the miracle being worked out in David's life.

My husband and I went to the hospital that evening to visit. We stepped off the elevator at the ICU and immediately felt the holy presence of God. His peace hung heavy throughout the entire floor. The waiting room was packed with people praying for David young and old. We couldn't go into the ICU to see him or the family, but we stayed and prayed and did speak to a few friends and acquaintances. People who had been with David walked out of the ICU with faces like Moses, glowing with the presence of the Lord. It was an incredible feeling! After we left we agreed that it was as if someone was having a baby. Everywhere, people had excited smiles and the feeling of expectancy and anticipation were electrifying! We drove home full of faith and encouraged by the prospect of the incredible miracle God was about to do.

Sunday morning at church I stood up and gave a testimony at how my faith had been transformed by David's circumstances. I was amazed at how God was using this situation to transform OTHERS, let alone to transform him. After me others stood and recounted how their lives and other's lives had been changed by David's story. God was doing a huge work in the body of Christ and I was overjoyed to be right in the midst of it. That night our church held a prayer meeting and David was on the agenda. Our pastor was given the words "For My glory,for My glory, for My glory." God was using David's life to bring glory to himself - what a testimony of his greatness!

At 9:00 pm, I received a message from my mother, "You better look on facebook." I got online expecting something wonderful had happened, but instead my heart sunk as I read the newest update. David had coded on the life support, his heart was no longer beating. If a person's heart stops while on life support, there is no point in using an AED, they are gone, for good. The hospital disconnected all of the machines. People all over joined the family in a prayer vigil hoping in God for a resurrection from death for David. At 2 am, Monday morning, my mom felt God was saying that it was enough, at the same time, so did his parents, Pastor John and Kristy. David had given up the fight for his earthly life and was enjoying his eternal life in the presence of his Savior in heaven.

The ending to this story is bittersweet. I will miss David so much. I am so grateful that God enabled us to meet one last time in April, to worship together, laugh together, and make new friends. I wish we had more time, but time is a valuable gift, there is never enough of it. Instead I look forward to the day when we will meet again to worship our savior together face to face.

The sweet part is over 6000 people and their families have been touched by the life and story of David Camp. Many of them strangers, but all of them united in faith and hope in the God David served with his life, and his death. God's glory was truly shown throughout the 5 days of David's struggle as the body of Christ united with one hope and one purpose. People all over are giving testimony of how praying for him had changed their lives forever, I am one of them. I was even luckier to be touched and changed by him as his friend, and I am forever grateful that God had purposed for our lives to intersect and I could be a part of a huge faith movement on behalf of my very good friend and brother in Christ.

Please keep his entire family in prayer as they grieve the loss of this wonderful young man.

Until we meet again David!

What A Body!

My husband always says "I can't wait be a fat ugly old man and have you as my still drop dead gorgeous wife!"

Of course to make his dreams come true requires a lot of work. I need to take darn good care of myself now so I can still benefit from my hard work later on. This means I need to eat right, exercise, maintain good hygiene and be sure to have good health care. Taking care of myself takes effort, and lots of times I just don't feel like it. When I am beat, the last thing I want to do is exercise or stay up an extra 5 minutes to brush and floss before bed. To have a healthy future, however, I need to make that investment.

As I was considering this, the Lord began to speak to my heart about HIS body. Doesn't his body require the same sort of care and effort? I came to understand a few key things that we must understand as part of His body in order to nurture it.

First and foremost, just like the human body, many problems start at the cellular level. Until the individual cells have health, the body cannot be healthy. That means we must be sure each individual is healthy before looking to nurture the body as a whole. The best way to start is to examine myself and gauge my own spiritual health.

Am I healthy? I need to look at the following things to make sure.

First, am I eating right? It is fairly obvious what is healthy for me in the natural because of progress of science. We eating wrong is bad for us, but how did they figure that out? They looked at the negative effect that eating certain things has on the body, essentially, what is reaped from what was sowed. In the same way, I know what is bad for me spiritually by its fruit in my life. If listening to certain music, reading certain books, watching certain shows, or hanging out with certain people produced bad fruit in my life spiritually, I need to go on a "diet" and cut them from my life. On the other hand, we know eating good things can improve our health as well. If we avoid the bad, but never partake of the good, it's just as bad for us. I need to make sure I am feeding my spiritual self with God's daily bread, His Word. Jesus said He is the Word and He is also the Bread of life. If I feed on God's bread, the word, I know I will be spiritually healthy. If I maintain good spiritual nutrition, I will see good fruit in my life and I will have a positive effect on those around me.

Secondly, do I exercise regularly? Just like in the natural realm, exercise in the spiritual realm can be unpleasant, especially if I am out of shape. God was showing me that spiritual exercise is simply being active in my faith. Am I doing what God asks me to do whenever He asks? Am I working to fulfill His mission for my life? If I am just sitting around doing nothing, I will become lazy. The longer I remain idle, the more difficult it is to get going again. Just like physical exercise, once you make a habit of it, it feels great. You have more energy and endurance to keep going. The bible says we need to run with endurance to finish the race set before us, and the only way to gain endurance is regular exercise. Exercise is vital to the ability to continue on toward the finish line.

Thirdly, am I sure that I have good health care? If I get hurt, I need to make sure I see a doctor so I can heal. Since God is my Great Physician, when I am hurting, do I seek him out for my healing? It does me no good to whine and complain about my broken arm if I refuse to see a doctor about it. It is important to note here, that not only do I need to see the doctor, I must also follow his instructions carefully, which of course means I need to LISTEN carefully. Not following his instructions could delay my healing or even cause more injury. Many times, it's easy to ask the doctor for a quick fix solution, but more often than not, healing takes a lot of time and care. Most people would not call their doctor and complain that their broken arm is still broken the next day. I need to seek God to heal my hurts, follow his instructions, and wait patiently for my healing to come.

Lastly, do I have good hygiene? In the natural, good personal hygiene is essential to keeping the body clean and healthy. Am I keeping my spiritual self clean? The bible talks about looking in a mirror and seeing a smudge of dirt on one's face, but never doing anything about it. When spiritual dirt is pointed out to me, do I do nothing about it? Do I continually surrender myself to the Lord to allow him to apply his cleansing blood to my soul? This is perhaps one of the most difficult things to do, but like regular personal hygiene, once it becomes a habit, it is very natural, and it is essential to good health.

As I said before, where we start is with ourselves, on the "cellular" level. We are responsible to keep an eye out on the rest of the body as well, but unfortunately, like in the natural, we can't force others in the body to be healthier. Each person makes their own decisions about what they eat and how much they exercise, see their doctor, and take care of themselves. The best thing we can do is live a healthy lifestyle and testify about the good benefits of being healthy. We can lead others by our good example and pray for each person to desire spiritual health.

As my husband makes very clear, a nice body is attractive. We aren't spiritually healthy if our lives aren't attracting others to Christ. I want to be a beautiful bride for both my earthly husband and my Husband, Jesus Christ.

Don't you?

On Prayer

"I'll pray for you."

"You're in my prayers."

"I'm praying."

How often do we hear these words from others as they offer comfort to us in trying time in our lives? How often do we say these words to others? How often is there REALLY any prayer going on at all?

I know at least a few times in life I have told someone I would pray for them, and got too busy. There are times that I have received emails from our church prayer chain, read them, but never prayed. I am sure there are times when I trusted in someone to pray for me, and they didn't. Could there have been a miracle had someone prayed?

But the more I reflect on this, I wonder, is there more to it than just "making our requests known to God"? Is prayer time really only about checking off a list of people you promised to pray for, if you even remember to do so in the first place?

The past week I have learned a few things about prayer, mostly through experience and revelation FROM praying. The more I pray, the more I really understand what it is. I am assuming this is what is known as wisdom as I am learning by gleaning from the scripture and by experiencing God firsthand. The following is a few tidbits from my revelation about prayer.

Prayer is POWER.
Trying to minister to others without prayer is like a flashlight without batteries. I might have all the other necessary components for the flashlight to work. I might be following the instruction manual to a T. I could be doing everything else right, but no matter how hard I try, that flashlight won't give off one smidgen of light without batteries. Prayer is the batteries to my ministry. Without it there can be no power flowing, no light shining in the darkness. I will be completely ineffective. Yes, OTHER people can pray for my ministry, but the way to have maximum effect is if I pray.

Prayer is a KEY.
If I want to access miracles of God, I must use prayer as my key. Prayer is what binds and looses. Prayer is what commands angels. Prayer is what channels the power of God. In order to see miracles happen, I need to be praying for them to happen, not just standing around hoping one will accidentally fall upon me.

Prayer is for GOD'S glory.
I should not ever be praying for circumstances to change or miracles to happen for my own selfish reasons. I shouldn't pray for other's salvation just to save them from going to hell. I shouldn't pray for people to be free from cancer just so they aren't in pain. I shouldn't pray for anything to make my life easier, better, or more fun. My only motive for prayer is to bring God glory. People get saved to bring him glory. People get healed to bring him glory. People's lives change to bring God glory. If I'm not seeing my prayers answered, my motives are probably wrong. Only God knows my heart, so sometimes I need to ask him to reveal to me what my true motives are. Many times it is as easy as looking at my attitude. If I am frustrated and angry with God, chances are my motives are selfish. If I am excited about giving a testimony of the miracles he has done, chances are my motive is to bring him glory, regardless of if my prayer is answered or not. When I pray out of a right heart, that is when I can expect to see God move in big ways.

Prayer is an INVESTMENT.
Just like any investment, the more I put into it, the more I can expect to receive back. If I glance through a spanish dictionary for 15 minutes, I can't expect to go to a Spanish speaking country and have a meaningful conversation with the natives. If I work out once a month, I can't expect to look like a super model. If I put a penny into my bank account, I cant expect to go the next day and pull out a thousand dollars. Prayer works the same way. Yes God knows all my needs and I don't need to go begging him over and over for the same thing. However, if I spend next to no time in prayer, how can I expect God to be doing miracles in my life? If prayer is the key to accessing things of heaven, the more I use the key, the more I gain, and vice versa.

Prayer is SELFLESS.
Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added onto you. If in prayer I seek only my needs, God's blessings can't fall on me the same way as when I seek his kingdom first. If I need a healing, I should pray for others to be healed. I should do what God calls me to do, maybe to send that person flowers, or call or visit them. This brings God glory because not only can he answer my prayers for the other person, but then he can "add all these things" onto me as well. I need to go into prayer time looking for what I can give to God and his kingdom, not what I can gain from him. Approaching God in that way opens the door for us to receive his blessings.

Prayer is a RELATIONSHIP.
Imagine this, you have met the most wonderful person, the one of your dreams. You decide to make it official and you become a couple. However, things get weird after that. The person sends you gifts, pays all your bills, and makes sure you are well taken care of, but you never hear from them again. They never call you or want to see you, kind of like a dead-beat dad. You know they are still there because of the stuff they send, but there is no relationship at all. You might begin to wonder if they really love you since they don't want to be around you. You might begin to despise the gifts and provision because they seem so cold and meaningless. In real life, this seems like a miserable relationship, however, this is exactly what people expect from God. "God, provide for me, bless me, give me gifts, but please don't ever talk to me or meet with me." Not only does that attitude hurt us, it must hurt God as well. Imagine being the one giving the gifts, sending the money, blessing your love interest, and yet they want nothing at all to do with you. Eventually you would decide to stop sending gifts. However, God isn't like that. He will provide for me and bless me even if I never talk to him, even if I am ungrateful, because he loves me so much. He isn't offended by my actions, he loves me in spite of them. Out of anyone I can have a relationship with, God is the best. He has endless assets to supply my every need. He is perfect in every way and cannot let me down. I should nurture my relationship with him first and foremost, above all others. By spending time with him, I can enjoy all the benefits of our relationship, not just the blessings he gives.

Prayer is a PRIVILEGE.
Many times prayer is seen as something we HAVE to do in order to be a good Christian. However, prayer is really a privilege. I pray because I desire to hear God's voice, to understand his heart, to know his will. I am not praying just to earn God's favor or to check something off a hidden to do list. I already HAVE God's favor. I am not required to DO anything. God loves me for who I am, and I pray because I love him back and just want to be in his presence. I'm not required to pray, I desire to pray.

Prayer is a PRIORITY.
Prayer is more important than anything I have to do in my day. Many times, when I put prayer first, I see God do amazing things throughout my day. He will supernaturally extend my time, increase my efforts, and make everything work together more smoothly. I find when I pray first, I accomplish more and have more peace. I also find my attitude is in the right place and it is easier to walk in the spirit when I start my day immersed in it. God is able to do a transforming work in me as the day goes by because I have invited him into my day. On the flip side, I find I struggle more when I don't make prayer a priority. It seems my entire day has fallen apart at the seams and I am desperate to keep it together. Often in the midst of my trouble I will make time to seek God and afterword things will smooth out for me. Since prayer is such a valuable amenity, it should be my greatest priority.

I am finding that the more I pray, the more I learn about prayer and the more I want to pray. I come to know God better and then seek to know more. The only way to really understand the value of prayer and have the desire to pray is to first commit to pray. Afterword, the desire comes naturally. Just like exercising and eating healthy, a lot of times the hardest part is to commit to make the change. Once we do, we find we feel better and look better, and then it is easy to continue on in that lifestyle. When we commit to pray, we feel and see the benefits of spending time with our wonderful Father, and we only want more and more of it.

I am so glad I made the commitment to give God my time, it is SO worth it.

A New Journey

My wonderful pastor's wife moved upon a call of God to pass on a book to me entitled "Give me 40 Days" by Freeda Bowers. The premise of the book is it is a 40 day devotional where you spend each day praying for OTHERS as you watch God meet YOUR needs.

I started the devotional today and it had a list of things that I could choose to commit too. All of them seemed pretty simple, save one. I read "Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength." Most people would just check off yes, but in my mind I though "Wow a commitment to the Lord is a big deal, can I really commit to this? I am not even really sure what it means."

Since I didn't understand, naturally I asked someone who would; God himself. "God how can I love you with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength?" He began to patiently teach me what each of those words meant.

Heart:
The word heart brought me back to a time when I was on my high school track team and there was a guy on the team that everyone said had such a heart. He gave it his absolute all, even though he wasn't the best runner and rarely finished better than last place. In order to love the Lord with all my heart, I had to have enthusiasm. I had to be sincere. I had to put forth, time, energy and effort into my relationship with him. I had to be devoted to him. Could I do those things? Could I really love the Lord with all my heart? Yes, I believe I could do that.

Soul:
Our soul houses our mind and our will. This wasn't to difficult to understand, but perhaps pretty difficult to put into practice. I had to choose to love God. That seems pretty simple, except when I think back on rough times I have had with my imperfect, earthly husband. There are times when I am pretty angry with him (like when he eats all the taco meat for my salad!) and to be honest there are times I am pretty upset with God. I am not upset because of circumstances or injustices in life, but usually I become upset when it comes to being patient. I want to change quicker, i want my blessing quicker, I want my revelation quicker. I become impatient with God and want to turn my back on him. But I have yet to turn my back on my husband and regardless of all his faults, I choose to love him every single day. If I can love my husband, can I choose to love a perfect God? Yes, I can.

Mind:
Our mind is where we think (Well duh!) so loving God with all my mind means I think about him, a lot. When I think about him, it makes me want to serve him, to nurture my relationship with him, to spend time with him. When I first started dating my husband, I thought about him a lot, probably too much. I wanted to spend every minute I could with him and when I couldn't I thought about all I would do when I did see him again. I thought about how wonderful he was and how much I missed him. The wonderful thing about God is he is always accessible, I never have to wait to be with him. I just call his name and he is there. All I have to do is to set my mind on him, and that is no problem. To keep my mind set on him is a struggle, with all the worldly distractions and tasks and to do's in my day. I believe the more time I spend with him and the more I streamline my life, the easier I can accomplish this.

Strength:
This was the toughest one to understand, it came to me as this: "the force of an expression." What on earth does that mean? I think of it as the potency of something, so the force of an expression is how "strong" something is. Juice concentrate has a higher strength than regular juice. So how does this relate to loving God? The way I express my love is with actions. The force of my expression is the intensity in which I do them. I think of it this way, my husband could buy me a bouquet of half dead flowers and plop them on the counter and say "Love ya," not very intense expression of love. But what if he got on one knee and presented a huge bouquet of the most wonderful flowers I had ever seen and said, "Honey, you are the love of my life, and you bring me so much joy. Please accept this token of my devotion to you, darling, I love you." Now THAT is a more intense expression of love. In the same way, are my acts of devotion to the Lord done with sincerity or am I just plodding along half-heartedly, doing what he asks of me out of obligation? I definitely need to work on this one, but I could definitely commit to try my best, I know the Lord would honor my efforts.

In the end I did put a little check in the box next to this one. I could see all the ways which I have loved my husband with my heart, soul, mind, and strength over the years, so applying that to one who loved me so much he gave his own life for me, is a big no-brainer. In the end, I know I will only benefit from my commitment because who can be wholly devoted the the Lord and not be changed by him?

Not one.