Friday, July 8, 2011

Who am I

I started this blog with one intention, to discover "who I am in Christ and our place in His kingdom."

I thought myself to be a decent mom, a wonderful wife, and fantastic minister for Christ.

But then my earthquake came.

My marriage was shattered by an affair. I thought I was a fantastic wife. Why would this happen to me? Wasn't that who I was? A good wife?

I had to step down from ministry and resign my membership. I have been a minister for 11 years! Wasn't that who I was? Wasn't I someone who helped people to show Jesus' love?

I was handcuffed by the police after they were notified by a stranger that I was abusing my children and CPS opened an investigation against me. But I thought I was a good mom? Wasn't that me? If that was who I was, why would this happen?

The truth is, I have been looking for who I am in all the wrong places. I look at what I do, what I create, my actions, my attitudes, how I affect those around me and add those together and present a neat little package called "me." But that is NOT me! I am not a mom, or a wife, or a minister. These are things I DO but not who I AM!

God doesn't love me for my accomplishments. He doesn't love me for these attributes that identify my individuality. He doesn't love my motherhood, daughterhood, sisterhood, ministry, or wifehood. He loves me!!!

SO the question still remains, who am I? Before my eyes were blinded because my life was shrouded in all these personas. My identity was lost in my doing, so I was no longer a being.

But now that all has broken off and crumbled to the ground, now I can watch as the dust settles, and see the revelation of this person called "me." I will finally come to an understanding of who I was made, and called to be and why He loves me.

This past nine months has been a terrifying nightmare of my worst fears come true, but in the end what will be birthed is a greater gift than I could have ever envisioned before. I am called to greatness and I have finally found the path to get there.

It is by His grace alone that I have survived.

Thank you Jesus!


Niecey said...

I had no idea. You're a beautiful person. I'll be praying for you.

~:.Tasia.:~ said...

Wow, I had no clue! You are a strong woman and will get through anything that's thrown at you.